On February 17, 2012, the NYTimes reported a front-page story using this headline:     

“For Women Under 30, Most Births Occur Outside Marriage” http://tinyurl.com/7kcjv36

I’ve waited a few weeks to weigh in on this one because there are so many responses flying through my heart and mind. There are other times and venues for me to comment on this immense marker noting how much the “one world culture” we all share has changed. The irony is that as we have become more and more interconnected, we also have less sense of community. As the world fragments socially, we are increasingly linked economically, culturally and technologically. Some may resist, dismiss or even fight against this notion that the planet is becoming smaller, and we all become more alike and interdependent. Regardless, the fact is there is no going back. The world has changed, and the issue is not whether we will be willing to change with it, but how we will respond to the changes.

In light of this, for we who care about families of all stripes, and especially the children, I think the most significant response to this particular trend is how will we care for and support those newly emerging single-mother households that are now in the majority?

It is likely that you, like me, feel a wide array of emotions as you read this story and absorb the reality of what this will mean for all of us in the not-too-distant future. You might be shocked, as I am, that single motherhood has crept up on us to and beyond the tipping point of 50%. Or sad, or discouraged, that we have so deconstructed our belief in the two-parent system that humanity has relied on since the beginning to raise kids (this on top of the last hundred years of eroding authentic, life-giving community toward kids in partnership with parents, but that is another subject). You might even want to lash out – but at whom? And to what end?

Here’s where I’ve landed, and we at Project 51 want it shouted from the rooftops: Regardless of where culture goes or how trends shift, we remain steadfast in our commitment to serve and surround and help and support any family: single parent, blended or intact. We commit to this not only for the sake of the children, but also for the well-being of the mothers who will be raising them in a world that will often feel cold and unforgiving.

Join us in rebuilding the community we have all been created for. Join us in Project 51.

It began with a simple question...

Amid the myriad voices telling us who kids are, and why they are the way they are, a few of us decided that our experience with teenagers did not cleanly align with what the voices were telling us. So we decided to ask them: What is your experience of the life we have handed you?

Using the protocols of ethnography, an ambitious qualitative research methodology, we put together a team to go after that question. As the lead researcher, I spent seven months on a high school campus as a substitute teacher: observing, listening and taking in as many of the stories, notes, poems, songs, sighs and expletives that a generation of kids could throw at an adult. The rest of the team poured over articles and books that debated, discussed and theorized about 14-18-year-olds.

Weekly we would gather to compare notes, and consistent themes began to emerge. Following that, I went on a yearlong tour across the US and Canada asking kids in carefully designed focus groups to respond to the observations and themes.

The conclusion?

This is a generation that has been abandoned by the adults systems that have been designed and erected to support, nurture and guide them into adulthood. In years and centuries past, children were raised by communities who saw each child as a precious and valuable asset and gift. Scholars have known for decades that healthy development requires a convergence of adults who are committed to encouraging and nurturing the best of a child and emerging adult. Over the last several years, however, this abandonment of our collective call to be a forceful presence of support and encouragement in the life of each child has created a generation of externally-motivated performers that are called blessed when, and if, they come through for us. Therefore, it is not social capital they are receiving, intending to develop the interior sense of self but a heavily matrixed machine that drives kids to define themselves by what they do, how well they do it, and if they comply to the multitude of adults expectations that are thrown at them every day from the time they are toddlers.

In an ever-increasing fragmented and isolating society, our young have been told we love them when and if they show up, talk just right, do well, and conform to the expectations we have of them. As a result they have been hurt,and it therefore now takes years to eventually land as a relatively confident adult who lives life from the inside-out.

Project 51

Project 51 is about turning that tide around. If the lack of what some call social capital is the key factor in extending adolescence and causing inside each young person a deeply rooted sense of isolation and fear, then our quest is to provide relational and consistent support for each one. We have committed ourselves as an organization to rally thousands of adults in families, churches, organizations and institutions to agree that what today’s kids are desperate for is at least five non-parental committed adults to care for them with an almost parent-like promise.

We hope you join us. Every kid deserves at least five non-parental adults to know their name, to come alongside them in the midst of their developing story and to walk with them in their journey toward adulthood. We call it Project 51.

An emerging form of the Church called Missional Communities will begin to change youth ministry over the next decade.  I’m basing that thought on my belief that missional communities are a concrete solution to the two topics that have most occupied (haunted) the Church over the past two decades.

Namely, how can the Church be missional and intergenerational?

Parallel Conversations

More books have been written in the last 20 years about the “missional church” and “intergenerational ministry” than ever before.  But has the conversation really shifted youth ministry?  Is the volume of research on these two topics equal to the amount of change that has occurred in our practice over the past 30 years?  Do you ever wonder if we have just been on a “cognitive assent campaign” to sell people on the idea of being intergenerational and missional?  How can we convince the Church to be more missional and intergenerational if no one is actually providing concrete vehicles for those two things to happen?  I have worked in a church with kids and families for the past 15 years – I am getting impatient.  I want specific, clear action that is theologically in the center of the target. 

What is a Missional Community?

A missional community is a group of people, larger than a small group but probably smaller than 75, that is fully committed to growing together in Christ, loving one another AND, under God’s direction, are pursuing an outward “mission.”  It is a “family of families” that have big dreams about how God could use them to bless and reach their neighbors, co-workers, school or tackle a cause the group feels led by God to make a difference for.

What ISN’T a Missional Community?

MCs are NOT a small group or traditional fellowship group.  Small groups or fellowship groups (which churches have spawned for decades now) tend to be great at Bible Study or potlucks but often don’t dream of impacting the surrounding world.  Also, it is NOT a social activist club that does not take seriously the Scripture, prayer, other spiritually forming practices and the importance of community with one another.  A missional community integrates spiritual formation, authentic community and shares an outward expression of mission.

Hmmm…. So What?

I am usually first in line to be skeptical of the latest fad, but MCs are not a new idea.  The concept is as ancient as the Church itself and but it has new, emerging implications for youth ministry.  There are at least two major implications of MCs for youth ministry.  I hope you’ll stick with me over two future blog posts to unpack this.  In the meantime, let your mind wander…  How could this concept help put five adults in the lives of every one kid and how could this reshape how kids experience Jesus?

In a recent post, I listed in my “Top 10 trends that will reshape youth ministry” that “Children’s ministry will become the most strategic opportunity in the church.”  As a youth pastor at heart, I humbly believe children’s ministry holds a huge key to the church in its hands.  BUT… opportunity means nothing if not acted upon.  A new generation of children’s pastors will be at the vortex of the church’s strategy – but will they capitalize on it?  Here are three pleas to the next Gen of children’s pastors:

1.        Realize your incredibly strategic position and power to help reshape the Church

Why is children’s ministry so strategic?  Kids are building foundational associations about Jesus, yes.  But one of the most important aspects often goes unnoticed: Young parents are completely open to renegotiating the relationships of their emerging family.  Will they be a family that is intimately tied to other families or isolated from others?  Will they choose to team with other families in the church to radically love their neighbors, co-workers and those in need?  How families answer those questions may determine whether their children have Jesus-loving adults in the lives of their kids – a key factor in future faith formation.  Children’s ministry can help strategically connect families to one another and form extended family relationships that may not happen outside this window of opportunity. It is children’s ministry that holds the strategic key in helping every kid have five adults who know and invest in them.

2.       Don’t obsess over the curriculum - focus on the bigger picture of how faith in Jesus forms in children

A new generation of children’s pastors is recognizing the danger of “Curriculum Obsession.” There will never be a perfect curriculum. Even the one you write yourself is seriously flawed. Make no mistake: The opportunity above will be lost if children’s pastors spend the majority of their time in a never-ending march to discover curriculum nirvana.  Excellent curriculum that points to Jesus is essential, but Jesus will be experienced by kids who are connected to mature adults who are following Jesus.  More time and energy needs to be spent on developing systems and people who can live out the Bible stories for kids, not just tell them.

3.       Have the courage to change 

“Helping the church’s families form extended families that live out the gospel together” is probably not on the average children’s pastor job description.  It’s easier to put on a weekend program than undertake a massive shift of how the church works.  Children’s pastors can lead the charge in shaping the future of the church and will need to be vision casters to help the rest of the church see the opportunity they have to focus on families in this age group as a unique opportunity.  It will take courage though – resistance will be high at times and it means shifting how your time and focus is spent.  It will take bravery to enlist other key players in the church to get the vision of creating a network of families at young ages.  You can’t do it alone.  But the potential for your kids, families and the Kingdom is worth it.  Bless you in the journey.  - Jim Candy (thanks to my friend and future-minded children's pastor, Jeremy Drew, for his contribution to this post).

We’re undertaking a giant challenge - Project 51.  We want 1,000 churches and 10,000 parents commit to seeing their high school seniors have at least five adults who invest* in them in the name of Jesus. We're still forming the challenge - would you give us your feedback and help us meet this goal?

*“invested” means adults who know who they are, love them unconditionally, try to model Jesus Christ for them, pray for and spend time with them…

For Parents:

* I (We) commit to finding five adults who love Christ to invest in my kid(s).

* I (We) commit to investing in at least one kid who is not my own.

* I (We) commit to praying regularly for our kids and other kids that God puts in our path

* I (We) commit to sharing our experiences with Project 51 back with us so we can help continue to shape the project.

* I (We) commit to helping spread the word about Project 51 to help change the culture our kids live in.

For Churches:

* We commit to helping facilitate a church culture where every kid is invested in by at least five adults who love Christ before they graduate from high school.

* We commit as children’s, middle and high school leadership to this goal.

* We commit to communicating this plan to our parents and inviting them into this goal.

* We commit to advocating for this and helping influence our church’s leadership.

* We commit to discovering and implementing a concrete strategy for this and sharing insights back to Project 51 to help other churches and parents.

Is it simple?  Clear?  Is the goal too big?  Too small?  What else?