ParenTeen Tip of the Month

David Fraze

"The Imperfect Father"

If you have been a part of one of our ParenTeen or Hurt Seminars you have heard about the vital role father's and "father figures" play during a student's journey across the teenager tightrope. As a presenter, it is usually during this part of the seminar when I notice men feeling a little uncomfortable and lost in thought (you can actually see this happening). Why? As a Dad I know the impact I have in my kid's life. However, I am also aware of my own limitations and failures. This reality creates tension for men during our seminars. How do we deal with our shortcomings?

I have been reading The Good and Beautiful God (IVP Books, 2009) by James Bryan Smith. His is a spiritual formation book designed to, as stated on the cover, help readers "fall in love with the God Jesus knows." Smith identifies with the struggle all fathers' face in dealing with their own imperfections, then he encourages his readers, many of whom have had disappointing father figures in their own lives, to let Jesus define what the role of father looks like. Smith writes:

... God's fatherhood must define what human fatherhood ought to look like, and not the reverse. The "How to Be a Good Dad" booklet I keep on my bedside table has some nice tips ("Play with your kids" and "Listen to them"), but I would do a lot better drawing near to my heavenly Father and allowing him to shape my heart into his image. The way God is Father to me teaches me how to be a good father to my children (62).

Smith offers a number of fathering (and parenting) strategies worth imitating by identifying character traits of the Heavenly Father mentioned by Jesus in the Lord's Prayer.

A good father:

...is Present

...is Pure

...is Powerful

...Provides

...Pardons

...Protects

Smith transparently describes how he tries to incorporate each of the six character traits into his own parenting strategy, yet frequently falls short of the ideal. Even so, he prayerfully strives to keep the ideal six as a daily parenting goal.

As dads and father figures, how do we deal with our shortcomings and failures? Acknowledge your shortcomings. Accept the forgiveness of the Father. Strive to make the six characteristics integral in your own parenting style. I know from experience that these steps are much easier said than done and you may need to get assistance from a counselor, minister, spouse, or friend as you work through them. Even so, it is a journey worth the effort.

Dr. David Fraze is the Director of Student Ministries at Richland Hills Church of Christ, and a two-decade veteran in youth ministry. David is a popular speaker and intentional husband and father.

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