ParenTeen Tip of the Month

Dr. Jeff Baxter

Sometimes parents of teenagers feel they are all alone in raising their adolescent. Do you feel alone sometimes? It is difficult to help your teenager become a responsible young adult fully connected to other mature adults in your community, in your church, or at their place of future contribution.

I strongly encourage you to build relationships with all the other adults influencing your child. Think of yourself as a coach doing your best to get the right support around your teenager. You need to fill different positions of encouragement  around your child. Many times you cannot control who the influencers are, but with intentional focus, parents of all teenagers can proactively help form a support base for their teenager during these years of development.

Start with your church. Depending on the size of your church, you might be able to invite your senior pastor over for a meal to get to know the whole family. This can certainly be done with the youth pastor, youth ministry small group leaders, and other volunteers. Relationships are so important to teenagers and meeting these folks will help them take down some walls. Maybe you are in your own adult small group ... have you introduced your small group to your teenager? Is your teen nearby when you meet? Do you invite your teenager to come along when your group gathers for some fun? Think of other adults who "rub shoulders" with your child at church and be intentional about getting to know them, inviting them to help provide a team of support.

Second, go to the school where your teenager attends. Whether they are in Junior High or High School, build relationships with the principle, teachers, activity and club leaders and/or coaches. Your purpose is to support these key adults as they partner with you in building the right stuff into your child during these critical adolescent years. Do not feel like you are intruding on their time. Most teachers and coaches invite encouragement from parents. If your teenager is involved in drama, music, or a club on campus, go and introduce yourself to the leaders. Seek to understand their goals. Your primary agenda is to surround your child with adults who love and care for them.

Where can you start or continue to build a team of adults who share your core values and are willing to embrace your teenager? Set up a meeting at your local coffee shop and meet with one of these influencers. You may not have time not to.

Dr. Jeff Baxter is Pastor of Singles and Student Ministries at Foothills Bible Church in Littleton, Colorado. Jeff is the author of Following Jesus into College and Beyond.

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