Late last year media outlets provoked our sensibilities with reports of parents abandoning their adolescent children to the state of Nebraska. A law originally intended to provide a legal option for desperate mothers to surrender their unwanted newborns contained a loophole, which families quickly discovered allowed them to give their unruly teenagers the final boot out of the home. Within a couple months at least two dozen kids, some as old as 17, had been given up by their parents. The state legislature tightened up the law before years end restricting its focus to protect only newborns.

     In our more challenging parenting moments we may joke that we would like to drive through Nebraska and leave our teenagers behind but we just as easily deride a parent who could actually off load their adolescent on the state. Rather than jokes or derision, abandonment in Nebraska is an honest call for collaboration with and compassion for desperate families at their wits end and a reminder that parenting is extremely difficult alone. Honesty and transparency show that many of us have been pushed to our parental limits.

     In our ParenTeen Seminars we paint a visionary picture of 4-7 caring adults collaborating with parents and supporting an adolescent on their journey toward mature and responsible inclusion into the adult world. Responsible and hopeful parenting includes taking the initiative to gather a team of resourceful cheerleaders who will positively converge on your child. Start with one other supportive adult, and then add another, and another until you have at least 5 who will invest in your adolescent over the long haul. Look for key teachers or coaches at school, or a volunteer youth worker at church. A neighbor, aunt or uncle, grandparent, or close friend probably already loves your kid and is already part of your team. Their job description is simple: be accessible, available, and encouraging to your adolescent.

     We are thankful for ways the government provides for needy families but what states like Nebraska are discovering is that these are very costly resources and usually applied as a last resort. Once in the system kids find it difficult to get out. Parents who collaborate with other adults in their schools, churches and groups like Young Life, youth sports and other community organizations, and even city governments, are finding help and hope for the journey.

     Don’t parent alone. We at ParenTeen are ready and willing to help. Link arms with other adults in your community. It takes more than a mom and a dad to parent a child.

 

Bill MacPhee, President of ParenTeen and Hurt Seminars